my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
