im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
