I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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