Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
