Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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