I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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