well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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