I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
