I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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