Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
