Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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