I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
