It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
