You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
