i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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