found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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