Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
