hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
