Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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