Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
