Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
