I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to have your abortion
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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