2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
