Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
