The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
