thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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