somebody snuck up and got me drunk
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
