Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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