just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
