i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize