WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
