Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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