I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
