Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
