I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
