if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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