just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
