This is not my ceiling
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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