i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
im on a boat
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