Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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