my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
