I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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