I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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