PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize