wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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