took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
