I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
