some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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