he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No subtext here. People are naked.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
