I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
