i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
