oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
