you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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