im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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