What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
