Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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