dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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