Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
