I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I cannot find my penis.
my sisters under your porch take her home
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
