pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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