our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
