we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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