Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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