and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
