Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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