The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
