I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
