I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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