im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
