Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you had me at cake vodka
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
