I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Say something about gay babies.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
