I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
