I cannot find my penis.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
