I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
