Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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