Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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