i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
