If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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