She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
home. puking in laundry basket.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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