how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
