just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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