I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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