i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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