i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
