I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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