This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
