ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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