it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
