i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
