Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
