i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
