Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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