BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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