Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
