Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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