Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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