A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
