mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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