if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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