im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
