Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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