i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
