An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
