I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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