do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
